My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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