You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Everything about him screamed your future.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
