She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
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That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
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I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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