It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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