guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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