He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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