Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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