I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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