youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Sober January is a disaster.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
