I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
