A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
