she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
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I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
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