I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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