he puts the penis in happiness.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
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Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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