just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
