): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
