So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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