Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
