I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
