Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
