you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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