Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Im part way to drunk.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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