the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
