I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
