This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
