thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Randomize
