I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
