9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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