My friends, they love my intelligence
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
