Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Only a mothe r could love this liver
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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