i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
