I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
