i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
you never un-have a 4some
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
