Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
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