if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Btw I puked in your glovebox
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
