doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
