I haven't been this sober since birth.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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