oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize