Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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