you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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