Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize