I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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