just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
