alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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