I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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