he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
