I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
