you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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