FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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