margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
