how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
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Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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