Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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