is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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