You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
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her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
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Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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