I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
