If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
