the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
