Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
