Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
