i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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