I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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